Lena Fenton
Counselling

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Relationships & Communication

Being in a relationship means that you have someone to share life’s joys and sorrows with.
When you are in love the world is a perfect place and nothing could possibly change the way you feel.
Sometimes however, problems do arise and that is when the true strength of the relationship is tested. It is my belief that the mark of a good relationship is in its ability to weather the storms and while retaining its integrity.

When that strength gives way then you need support and assistance, that is when the help of a qualified experienced professional is most useful. A therapist brings neutrality, objectivity and balance to the conversation between two people who may have temporarily lost sight of what is good between them. When each person feels heard and understood, clarity is achieved, this in turn creates more effective communication and a greater sense of connectedness.

Some of the issues addressed in therapy are:
Trust
Intimacy difficulties
Lack of desire
Lack of Communication
Managing separation/divorce
Infidelity
and so on


Communication

Living with someone intimately provides us with many ways of communicating.
Communication is about the words you speak, the tone you use, the inflection and the body language, a look, a smile and more. There are equally as many possibilities for miscommunicating, or not communicating at all,or instance not listening or hearing it wrong.
Sometimes something is said and misinterpreted by the receiving party. For instance "Do you like this dress" is not simply asking you if you like something, potentially it could be asking so many things. Unless you read the situation correctly, you are liable to get it wrong. What can help is knowing the person and what they really wish to hear from you in your reply.
Communications can sometimes simply be blocked because we do not express ourselves openly. When a person lacks the ability to express themselves, a simple solution can be to have many small or short conversations, these can serve as a primer and facilitate longer more open conversations over a period of days or even weeks. This could even be scheduled into your diary, and you both sit down and just talk. To begin with it might just be about everyday things which are not emotionally laden and as you go on you can risk a little more each time.
I would recommend that you try different places in which to talk and not just over diner but possibly in a warm bath tub or on a country walk, and what about down by the river or on a train? I would strongly recommend that you do not include alcohol and the children are taken care of, and yes, turn the phones off too.
Changing the scenery can help tremendously, try it and do make sure you do it regularly too even if your communication is ok, scheduling time to just be together and talking about your hopes and dreams is a powerful mechanism for keeping your relationship healthy and growing.

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